Dinners for 12 Strangers: A Cherished UCLA Tradition

Dinners for 12 Strangers (D12) is a beloved UCLA Alumni Association tradition that connects students, faculty, and alumni for an evening of conversation, connection, and community. Some of the most meaningful Bruin moments happen far beyond lecture halls and campus walkways. They can occur years, sometimes decades, after graduation, when Bruins reconnect through shared experiences, curiosity, and conversation.

The Essence of Dinners for 12 Strangers

Dinners for 12 Strangers came into being in the late 60s, during times of challenge and promise. Those dinners inspired a tradition of conviviality that has grown exponentially at UCLA and has been duplicated by universities across the nation. The golden anniversary of this program continues to celebrate the belief that a shared meal creates community. The concept is simple: we eat to survive, but we eat together to connect and build camaraderie.

How it Works

Every Bruin is invited to participate as a host or guest. If you’re a student or faculty member, you’ll be thoughtfully paired with a UCLA alum host within 10 miles of campus and receive all the details beforehand. If you’re an alum, you can browse available dinners and sign up to attend one near you. Bruins may also host virtual gatherings so guests can log in from anywhere. Casual meetups focus on conversation, connection, and fun. You don’t need to prepare anything or know anyone in advance.

A Tradition Spanning Decades

Dinners for 12 Strangers (D12) is a beloved 53-year UCLA Alumni Association tradition that connects students and alumni in small gatherings of approximately 12 participants over the course of three evenings. In 2018, Dinners for 12 Strangers celebrated 50 years of food, conversation, and fun. Last year, more than 3,700 students, faculty and alumni combined to attend more than 400 dinners in locations that spanned the globe. This proud university tradition - which falls under a suite of programs managed by UCLA’s Student Alumni Association - strives for even greater engagement and participation in this quinquagenary year.

Adapting to Changing Times

While we weren’t able to gather in person this year, the program pivoted to virtual modality to connect 1,000 Bruins and continue fostering community during COVID-19. Through the development of a new event portal, and creation of a digital cookbook with recipe entries from students, alumni, and campus restaurants, this year’s gatherings were focused on invention and innovation. Also new this year, we expanded engagement to include parents of undergraduate students by holding parent-hosted gatherings. In partnership with External Affairs development officers and various offices on campus, we enhanced the gatherings by curating special offerings focused on specific topics and affinities. We thought that this was such a creative submission. We were very familiar with the “Dinner for 12” events, but the way that this team took it upon themselves to make it more of a creative experience while being on zoom was just fantastic! We loved the marketing efforts and the idea of the cookbook.

The Alumni Perspective

Alumni serve as hosts for a variety of reasons. Jon ’76 and Anna Zaich ’77 recalled how much they had enjoyed the experience as students in the 70s and now as graduates of the university enjoy being able to provide a similar opportunity to current students. As hosts for the last 8 years they observed that “UCLA college students of the 1970’s aren’t so different from today. Twenty-five years as a host has given Steve Sauer ’74 the confidence to put his own spin on the program. Affectionately renamed a “Dinner for a Billion Students” in his household, Sauer regularly opens his doors to 100 students. His reason is simple, “We are a Bruin family through and through. I loved my experience as a student at UCLA and always appreciated alumni who helped me along the way. This is my/our opportunity to give back. Within the last decade the program has grown to be inclusive of alumni regardless of where they reside in the world. Regional dinners hosted by alumni for their peers have popped up in double digits in international cities such as Dublin, Mumbai and Nagasaki, while nationally there is representation in most states. John Friedemann ’81 shares an example of the connection and impression that can be made in a few hours. “I met a recent graduate of UCLA Law at the first Dinner for 12 Strangers that I attended.

Chi, who graduated in 1991, said this was his first time hosting a dinner at his home in south Orange County. “The students were there for three hours, and time flew,” he said. Chi also said he was unaware of the dinners until recently and believes more advertising could be helpful for alumni recruiting. On Feb. Chi was not the only alumnus setting his table that night. Christine Davis, another alumnus, said she has hosted dinners both at her house and at restaurants, this year taking students to a Persian restaurant in Westwood.

The Student Experience

Lucy Zises, a third-year computer science student, said she has participated in dinners all three years of her UCLA experience thus far and was an organizer of the program as a freshman. Meyers, a member of the SAA, said she has worked as a substitute for students who had to drop out of attending their events, giving her exposure to dinners for people of all interests. Interest-focused dinners also allow students to network with alumni who are in fields they might want to pursue. “You’re just kind of taking it all in and realizing that, ‘Oh, I can actually connect with someone that’s totally opposite of me,’ or ‘Oh, we have something in common,” she said.

Faculty Involvement

While faculty members are invited to participate in the dinners, their turnout is generally low, Zises said. “Not that many faculty members attend D12s, and I think pushing for that would be awesome,” she said.

The Magic of Connection

Whether a dinner takes place near campus with students and faculty or further away between alumni, this time-honored tradition plays out with remarkable similarities. Guests arrive with warm smiles and are greeted with open hearts. They begin the evening as strangers with different lives, majors and interests, but their shared common bond - UCLA - opens a door of trust that allows conversation to flow easily and enthusiastically. Long before they push back from the table, friendship and mutual respect have been easily given and accepted.

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Sheila Rose ’69 and Marlyn Pauley ’78 met when each sought to find a cohost with whom they could share responsibilities. After the first dinner Marlyn jokes, “After our first fabulous dinner 10 years ago, Sheila said we should do it again. Jokingly, I said I wasn’t sure because if it was like a movie sequel, the next one could not possibly be as great as our first dinner. Well, we did our second dinner and the rest is history. Every dinner was as great as our first one.” Besides developing a deep and lasting friendship, they marveled at the lasting connections they have made with students they’ve entertained. Calimay Pham ’10, J.D. ’14, who, as a student, was a guest around the table at their first dinner, has returned every year since as a graduate of UCLA Law with a successful career as an attorney. Pham illustrates Rose and Pauley’s observation that “The payoff has been huge. Sauer says that the most exciting part of the programs is “Watching students make new friends.” He goes on to add that, “I love it when someone sees me at a Bruin sporting event or in the neighborhood and indicates that they attended one or more of our D-12s over the years…and now have families of their own and host a dinner.

A Simple Recipe for Connection

“It’s evolved into this wonderful UCLA tradition in which students get to interact and bond with alumni in an unprofessional manner,” she said. “It’s not necessarily networking. “It obviously is kind of a weird ask, like, ‘Hey, can you host a dinner for these random people you’ve never met?’” she said. “I even remember getting the recipe from Claire for one of the hors-d’oeuvres that night, rounds of white bread covered with a mixture of minced white onion and mayo, dusted with parmesan that puffed up soufflé-like under the broiler.

Invitation to Participate

For anyone who is on the fence about hosting or attending as a guest there is plenty of encouragement from former hosts. Marlyn and Sheila write, “We encourage every alumnus and student to participate. For students, everyone who has attended one of our dinners has established a new relationship at UCLA. For alumni, we say it is a great way to stay young at heart. Bill Calvert ’81, another Bruin who has hosted multiple dinners, says, “Try it once and you will be committed for life. The dates for 2018 have been set - Feb. 24, Feb. 25 and March 3. You can sign up now to be a host and listings for dinners that you can attend will be posted soon.

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