How We Learn to Be Brave: A Summary of Mariann Budde's Insights on Courage and Decisive Moments
Mariann Edgar Budde, the Bishop of Washington, D.C., explores the multifaceted nature of courage in her book, "How We Learn to Be Brave: Decisive Moments in Life and Faith." Published in 2023, the book is a blend of memoir, history, and theological reflection, focusing on courage as a choice we make. Budde argues that bravery isn’t a rare gift reserved for heroes-it’s a skill anyone can develop through practice and intentional choices.
Introduction: The Essence of Bravery
Budde begins by recounting the events of June 1, 2020, when President Donald Trump used St. John’s Episcopal Church in Washington, D.C., as a backdrop for a photo opportunity after White House protesters were tear-gassed in Lafayette Square. Budde vocally opposed Trump’s use of the church for his own political gains, and her critique of Trump brought her a moment of intense spotlight, both from within her faith community and from the wider world. Budde describes this as a decisive moment in her life, which she uses to segue into a broader discussion of the bravery required by these decisive moments. The Introduction explains Budde’s desire to help her readers inculcate bravery throughout the key moments of their life, both private and public, offering examples of her own journey toward courage to help guide them.
She emphasizes that courage isn't the absence of fear, but the determination to move forward despite it, choosing what's meaningful over what's comfortable or safe. As Nina Shield, Executive Editor at Avery Books, says, "`How We Learn to be Brave' teaches us to respond with clarity and grace even in the toughest times."
Decisive Moments: Crossroads of Choice and Courage
Budde examines the "decisive moments" we all encounter-turning points in our lives when we exercise agency rather than operating on autopilot. These moments might involve deciding to go in a new direction, stay committed to our path, start something new, accept difficult circumstances, or take advantage of an opportunity. Decisive moments involve making a deliberate choice when something significant hangs in the balance, and we’re aware of the importance of these moments as we experience them. We’re not just reacting to our circumstances, but actively participating in shaping our future.
The Call to Go
Budde discusses the call to go, which she herself first experienced when she left Colorado as a teenager to return to live with her mother in New Jersey. It was a difficult decision but one that she felt called to make. She then pivots to the historical example of pastor Howard Thurman and the biblical example of Abraham and Sarah, illustrating how the call to go can be both personal and private or monumental and public; neither type of call is inconsequential. Budde frames the call to go through the lens of the hero’s journey, a narrative structure in which a character is called to go forth on a journey and is meaningfully changed by the aforementioned journey.
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The Call to Stay
Budde examines the call to stay, which can be as brave and complex as the call to go. Budde’s personal example regarding the call to stay centers on her experience being passed over for a promotion to bishop during her time as a pastor in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Though Budde did not expect to obtain the promotion, she was crushed by the decision. Though she felt tempted to leave, she decided to stay, as she felt called to transform her role to improve her faith community. Budde pivots to other examples of people heeding the call to stay, namely Dr. Kelly Brown Douglas, a Black Episcopal priest who decided to stay in the Episcopal diocese despite its history of racism, and Eleanor Roosevelt, who stayed married to Franklin Delano Roosevelt despite his infidelities. Both women had transformative impacts on their communities and relationships because of their willingness to heed the call to stay.
The Call to Start
Budde explores the importance of heeding the call to start. The first example she provides is that of Jesus, who knew that he needed to travel to Jerusalem and sacrifice himself to save humanity. Though he knew that his death was imminent, he kept teaching his disciples anyway. Budde heeded her own call to start when she returned to school to obtain her doctorate and entered into a leadership role that allowed her to guide others toward their own journeys to start. She encourages her readers to pay attention not just to the outcome but to the journey. She finishes the chapter with two key historical examples of people who listened to the call to start: Thurgood Marshall and Dr. Pauli Murray, two key figures in the civil rights movement who underwent arduous journeys to take important steps forward.
Accepting What We Do Not Choose
Budde explains the importance of accepting the things that one does not choose and cannot change. She begins with a deeply personal example of her sister, Christine, coping with the terminal cancer of her husband and accepting his fate before moving onto the biblical example of the apostle Paul, who viewed the acceptance of suffering as a key aspect of his journey with Jesus. Budde then offers a historical analysis of Martin Luther King, Jr., who engaged in the act of redemptive suffering when he sacrificed himself and his safety for the cause of the civil rights movement, something Budde admires and finds inspiring. He accepted the risks that came with his mission, like Jesus, and Budde acknowledges that acceptance is one of the most challenging things a person can do.
Stepping Up to the Plate
Budde explores the importance of stepping up to the plate, which often happens instinctually: Faced with a crisis, people often do what needs to be done without stopping to fear the negative consequences they may face. Budde offers key examples of stepping up to the plate from her own life, the Bible, and history. Budde stepped up to the plate during the COVID-19 pandemic. The prophets Jeremiah and Isaiah, Simon Peter, and Jesus stepped up to the plate, as described in the Bible. Seminarian Jonathan Daniels stepped up to the plate during the civil rights movement, even though it cost him his life. Bishop Michael Curry stepped up to lead the Episcopal Church. She also offers explanations of the different types of stepping up, including stepping up in moments of confidence, in moments of doubt, and in moments of contradiction. No matter how someone steps up, Budde asserts, God is there to fill in the gaps.
The Inevitable Letdown
However, God does not always fill in all the gaps, and Budde examines the inevitable letdown that comes after a decisive moment or with failure. Budde leans into the vulnerability of personal narrative, offering an example of when she failed her congregation by airing a sermon from a religious leader who had previously made antigay remarks. Though Budde apologized, she still felt the sting of letdown. She offers other examples of letdowns and moments of self-doubt in order to explain the inevitability of such feelings, which have a place in faith since it has its own ups and downs, something that St. Ignatius called spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation. Regardless, faith requires perseverance.
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Cultivating Courage: A Lifelong Journey
Budde emphasizes that the bravery we exercise in decisive moments represents the culmination of a lifetime of smaller choices. The courage we witness in these moments took shape decision by decision, challenge by challenge. Rather than waiting passively for a dramatic moment to reveal whether or not we have bravery, we can cultivate courage by making everyday choices that align with our values. When we recognize that courage is something we learn through practice, we open ourselves to the possibility that anyone can develop the ability to act bravely when it matters most.
Small, Daily Decisions
Budde explains that when a critical moment arrives, we rarely have time to deliberate. Instead, we respond based on the habits and values we’ve already developed. With consistent practice, courageous choices become more natural because each small act of bravery builds your capacity for integrity and courage. To strengthen your ability to be brave, Budde advises paying closer attention to the small choices you face and what they say about your values, identifying patterns that connect situations where you tend to choose comfort over courage, and deliberately making the braver choice, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Virtues That Support Brave Choices
Courage grows alongside other qualities that support it. Budde identifies several key virtues that create fertile ground for courage to flourish: perseverance, acceptance, faithfulness, humility, and self-awareness.
- Perseverance keeps us going when obstacles arise.
- Acceptance means embracing reality as it is, including difficult circumstances we can’t change.
- Faithfulness is about showing up consistently for our commitments and relationships, even when it’s difficult or our motivation is low.
- Humility allows us to recognize both our strengths and limitations.
- Self-awareness helps us understand our values, fears, and patterns of behavior.
Courage Reveals Our Character and Values
Budde explains that the moments when we choose to be brave serve as windows into our true character and values. When faced with a significant choice, the path we select reveals what we believe and care about, sometimes in ways that surprise even us.
The Inherent Capacity for Bravery
A cornerstone of Budde’s approach is her belief that we all already possess the raw materials for bravery. The problem isn’t that we lack courage: It’s that we often fail to recognize and access the courage we already have. The challenge is to recognize that this potential exists and to develop the awareness and skills to draw upon it when needed.
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Why Cultivating Courage Matters
Budde explores why developing our ability to be brave matters for both our personal growth and our impact on the world. Courage helps us make choices that change our lives, allows us to live authentically, and creates a path to personal growth.
Making Choices That Change Our Lives
When we choose to act with courage, we often unlock hidden strengths and discover new possibilities we couldn’t previously imagine. The power of these choices lies in their ability to change us from the inside out. They not only transform our external circumstances but also remake our internal landscapes-how we understand ourselves and our place in the world.
Living Authentically
At its heart, courage enables us to align our actions with our values. Budde contends that without bravery, we often default to choices based on fear or convenience rather than conviction. Cultivating a strong alignment between who we are and how we live plays a fundamental role in our well-being and sense of fulfillment.
Personal Growth
Budde points out that a crucial connection exists between courage and personal development. Without the willingness to be brave-to face challenges, embrace vulnerability, and step into the unknown-we constrain our growth.
Bravery as a Historical Throughline
Budde explores themes of Bravery as a Historical Throughline, The Courage to Accept What Cannot Be Controlled, and The Impact of Leadership in Cultivating Change. In each section of the book, Budde shares personal stories entwined with historical and biblical examples of courage that support the intellectual and spiritual arguments she constructs.
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